To My Devoted Husband

I remember back when I first met the man that I now call my husband.  It was summer time almost 5 years ago.  We had been chatting online over a dating site and a messenger for a few weeks and I finally got him to drive the 3.5 hours from where he lived to where I lived to meet me.  I remember he wore a black long sleeve shirt, one that had Homer Simpson on it playing air-guitar with the words "Professional Air-guitarist".  Even a black bandana with his long blonde hair hanging out from under it.

Have I ever mentioned how much of a sucker I am for guys with longer hair? *drools* They are sexy! Guys with tattoos rank right up there with them (which my husband has tattoos).

That weekend was a very nice weekend and he spent it with me, my oldest daughter, as well as my mother and sister too since I lived with them at the time.  What man in his right mind hangs out with a girl he just meets mom and sister in the same weekend!?  Well our weekend ended and he returned back to his home even though I protested, big time.  But he had to work, of course!

The next weekend he came back to see me and the weekend after that.  It was then that we decided I was going to go stay with him for a week and see how I liked it.  So we loaded myself and my oldest daughter up and we were off on our way to his home.

This is my favorite part!

The week came and went,  and we discussed waiting another week cause of money and gas prices.  Then it came around to, if I got a job i could just move in there.  Within a week from that point I had a Job at a pizza place i town not even 5 minutes from were we lived at the time.  We have been together since.

 It hasn't been all peaches and cream or daises and roses, though.  

Its been a bumpy road for us with lots of twists and turns and ups and downs.  But some how we have managed to fight our way through it every step of the way.   I mean, we have hit some really bad rough patches to where we were ready to go our separate ways and live our lives.  But we both knew we had something worth fighting for and so we both fought and prevailed!

I have changed so much over the last 5 years that I have been with my Husband.  I was literally on a path of self-destruction and if it wasn't for him i would have destroyed myself and taken everyone around me with me.

He managed to get me to pull myself out of my rear end and realize what I was not only doing to myself but those around me.  My Mom, My Sister, and most of all.  My Daughter.  I was so emotionally disfunctional that it is amazing I didnt drive myself into a loony bin.

My Husband thought I was joking when I told him was Insane.  I wasn't.

My Husband and I have been through some pretty rough patches in our relationship before we got married and since we have been married but I guess what they say is right, You know when you have something worth fighting for and keeping.

I should get to the real reason behind this blog.

My Devoted and Loving Husband.  Thank You so much for everything you have ever done for me through the years.  Thank you for being there when I just needed to cry.  Thank you for being honest with me even if I dont want to hear it.  Thank you for being there for me whenever I have ever needed you.  Thank you, My Beloved Husband, for Loving Me.

I don't care if you already know all this but you are the most amazing, fun, loving, amazing dad, great friend, and awesome husband.  I wish I knew how to express how greatful I am that I have you in my life and how amazing it feels for me to wake up every day knowing that I have someone who loves me.  And I love him.

I look forward to growing old with you and sitting next to you in our recliners while i watch you play your video games like you always have.  I love you, Batman aka My Husband.

*Batman- My term of endearment for my husband.


                                                              -Nix

--P.S. For my Husband I figured I would post the link to the facebook page about the books he has written!   Here is a bit of info about the book snagged off the page.

The Tales of Ryan Foster by J.R. Gridley

The tales of Ryan Foster is about a boy named, you guessed it Ryan Foster who can't remember anything about his life before waking up four years ago in the woods outside a village of swordsmen. The people living in the village take him in and teach him how to use a sword until the day and evil race of creatures called Wulven attack the village. During the battle Ryan unleashes a power he never knew about to save the village, but instead of praising him the people accuse him of being a Terran and he has no choice but to leave the village. He doesn't know it yet, but this single event has set off a chain reaction of things that were set into motion years before, and will change the world of Gaia forever.

Lifestyle Changes

So a few months back I had decided it was time that I was going to make some changes in my life.  Some lifestyle changes.  Don't get the impression that I am unhappy with my husband or anything at home.  It isn't like that.  Like in the post before I have been very unhappy with myself.  I am unhappy that I haven't been as active as I want to be.  But with Nice weather finally gracing us with its presents in the midwest.  I am looking for to beginning to run with my pull dog again.  I think she misses it too.

Along with running with my dog; I am also going to start going to the gym on a regular basis. 3+ times a week I think.  For weights and light Cardio since I am going to be running with my dog too.  Weights are really important to me too since I am not that strong, for now.  I used to be, but then I got lazy and gained weight and lose some strength.  Work helps some what keeping me in shape.

The next item on my list of improvement is to be better organized.  I am a very disorganized person.  I usually mask it by calling it Organized Chaos.  Usually I can find things in my mess, okay so not really..  But I know I should try harder and pick up after myself more often.  I really need to go through my desk and reorganize it.  I think that would really help.  I mean, My husband was awesome enough to get me a new computer with a 27 inch monitor.  I can argue and I should really keep the area around it picked up.

I am also intending on spending more time with both my Daughters and my Husband.  I do have a pretty amazing family and I really should do more for them since they put up with me.  It doesnt help that my 7 year old Daughter has A.D.D. and is pretty high strung.  Like myself.  I want more time with her but I deny myself and busy myself with the internet, video games, and work.  I am not saying video games are bad.  I love video games!  Learning that she will be attending summer school and has well more then enough tardies makes me feel like a really bad parent.  Goddess help me.  But that is changing and I am going to MAKE more time for my girls and my husband.

Especially my Husband.  Since he started Swing Shift it feels like he is home more even though he is still working as much as he was before.  I didnt realize how short our time was together during the day till the other day when I was visiting a friend.  When I got home he was getting ready to go to bed.  At 8:30pm.  But he had to be up at 4am to be at work at 6.  And we have always talked on the phone, that is kinda how our relationship was built really.  So spending more quality time with him has become essential to my lifestyle changes.

Along with these changes there is others want to do to as well. Debts to pay.  Things I want to save up for.

• Walk/Run with My Dog & Go to the Gym 3 times a week.
• Spending time with my daughters each day.
• Spend time with my Husband each day or as often as possible with work schedules.
• Remind myself to create positive helpful energies and think of areas i want to improve in my life.  Remind myself how awesome I am and how awesome my friends, family, and life are as well.
• Be More accepting of the bumps in the road and ride them out instead of fighting against them.
• Take one day for two hours to take time for my studies in my Faith.
• Post here once a week.  An overall review of things. From studies to kids to work and everything else.
  
  

I think this looks like a pretty good list to start with.  I may change and add to it as I go long.  These are just daily/weekly goals and ideas.  I will get into more long term goals at a later time.

-Nix

Energy

I believe the energies you put out into the world affect the world around you. What I am saying is: When You are grumpy or upset or angry, the world around you is upset and in chaos.  It isn't that your world is in chaos and that is making you upset.. It is simply You have become upset and the energy you have put out into the world has upset the world around you as an effect.  You have to stay positive in your paths even if you do run into ‘stupid’ or ‘dumb’ people.  Life is full of obstacles, curves, and turns.  We just gotta put the pedal to the metal and haul ass down the road.

I know at times I can be a real negative nancy.  I also know for a fact that I upset my own world quite often when I become unhappy.  A recent venture is simply I am not happy with myself and, of course, today is my birthday.  Yes.  April 1st, April Fool’s Day, is my birthday.  I am 27.  So because I usually end up grumpy around my birthday (Story for another time) and the fact that I have just been rather unhappy and angry with myself I put a mass amount of negative energy out into my world and it affect my work and home life.  I upset the balance I had created in my life.

When I say I believe in energy and that I also believe that we create our own worlds.   This is what I am talking about.  Energy isn't just a current that runs through wires to power our homes.  It isn't just fuel to power our cars or generators.   It is all around us transferred from person to person just from a touch or even the air around them.  Some who have a similar belief to my own my call it Magic or Magick.   I simply call it Energy.

I want to thank my friends and family too because they affect my world from the energy they put out and you know what.  I have a pretty good life.  So be mindful of the energies you put out into the world and how they might affect the family around you.  Just a friendly thought.

-Nix

Update, Redoing the Blog.

This is just a post to state that this blog is going to be completely redone.  Please be paicent with me.  None of my current posts will be deleted because i plan to continue my learnings as I go along. :)  I have just experinced a lot in the last year of my life so I feel my blog she reflect accordingly.  Thank you for your time.

-Nix.

Chapter 2

First things first.  Sorry its been a while since my last post and I can see that my last one was about one of my stones.  I still intend on posting more info about the stones I have.  I apologize for not posting in a long time but things have been crazy with my daughter’s birthday and the holidays.  Now it is a New Year and time to put the pedal to the metal and get my butt in gear to do this and start posting.

So much has changed for me in the last few months.  A habit that has had a great hold on me for a long time needs to come to an end.  So I am taking steps to break free of this habit.  I even wrote a spell of sorts asking Isis for her strength to help me become a stronger person and walk away from this horrid habit.  I have faith that I will break free.

Anywho, back to the task at hand.

The book, To Ride a Silver Broomstick, lists various different ‘types’ of witches.  From the Alexandrian Witches to Kitchen Witches to Wiccan Witches.  It asks me to write down the names of the ‘types’ of different witches that interest me along with a brief description of each one of interest.  Calling myself an Egyptian Pagan makes this a little more difficult.

But I will do as it asks.  Maybe I will gain some insight.

Kitchen Witch – A kitchen witch is one who practices by hearth and home.  The deal with the practical side of the religion, magick, the earth and the elements.

Celtic Wicca – Celtic/Druidic pantheon mixed with a little ritual Gardnerian, and heavily stressing the elements, nature and the Ancient Ones.  They have a vast knowledge and respect for the healing and magickal qualities of plants and stones, flowers, trees, elemental spirits, the little people; gnomes, and fairies.

Hereditary Witch – One who can trace the Craft through their family tree who have been taught the Old Religion by a relatives who was living at the same time.

It also asks for me to leave room to add information as I learn about the ones that interest me.  Being as this is my blog  I will add as I need to.

I like how the summary says that we need to remember that no matter what type of witch we claim to be that we must be mindful of what we say when referring to the Craft and keep generalities to a minimum.  Just like each human is different just as the differences in our religion and beliefs are different.

Like Ever Burning Fires,

                Phoenix Passionfire

Stones & Crystals - Fluorite

First off… IM SORRY! It shouldn’t have taken me this long but life has been crazy and I haven’t been feeling good thanks to the weather change and being pregnant.  Now.  Onward.

As I have said before in a previous blog, I carry a small collection of different stones and crystals with me.  I carry them because of the different things they can do for me.  Well the first one I am going to discuss is my Fluorite Point that I wear around my neck.  It is a really pretty stone; dark green with a touch of purple that you can see if you hold it up to the light.

Fluorite, also known as Fluorspar, is a Halide Mineral (composed of calcium fluoride, CaF2), which is a mineral class for minerals dominant with halide anion.  It can be a varity of colors, from Colorless to Green, to a bluish black.    When Fluorite forms it forms as well-formed course sized crystals; also nodular, botryoidal.  Rarely forming in Columnar or fibrous, granular or massive.

The word fluorite is derived from the Latin root fluo, meaning “to flow”.  This is because the mineral would be used in Iron Smelting to decrease the viscosity of slags at a given temperature.  This is a result of the Ionic nature of the mineral.

Fluorite was used by the Ancient Egyptians to carve statues and scarabs.  The Chinese used it in carvings for over 300 years!  During the 18^th century Fluorite was turned into a powder and mixed with water to relieve the symptoms of kidney disease.

Fluorite can be found in: Canada, USA, South Africa, Thailand, Peru, Mexico, China, Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia, Norway, England, & Germany.

Now enough of the Science let’s get to the good stuff!

It is said that Fluorite absorbs and neutralizes negative vibrations; and makes one more receptive to the vibrations of other stones.  It should be kept in every room of a home.  Being known to increase concentration and aiding in decision-making made fluorite also known as the “Genius Stone”.

As for healing properties; fluorite can be used with other stones.  It helps to open the way for the power of other stones to be effective.  It may be used in meditation to help raise the power of concentration & energize the body.  Yellow Fluorite is said to enchance the intellect and magnify mental powers.

Healers use it to help with the respiratory tract and with ulcers by stimulating cell regeneration in these areas.  It can strengthen bones, improves arthritic or other join ailments.  Fluorite can be laid directly on the body.

Since I believe in the energies of the world, and not necessarily magick;  I have a few others notes on what Fluorite can do.  It can bring: Order out of Chaos, Loyalty, Discernment, Find Better Friends.  This is also a good stone for emotional healing.

Which for most things that fluorite can do is why I wear my Fluorite Point.  I believe in what it’s doing for me and I have seen change in my world.  Change your energy, change your thoughts, change your world.  Stones are something I have always believed to hold special energies and abilities that aid and harmonize with our own energies to strengthen and improve our lives.

Well, that it for now.  Again, sorry so late.

Like Ever Burning Fires,

                        Phoenix Passionfire

Information Collected From: Wikipedia - Fluorite & Emily Gems - Fluorite & Notes My Uncle has given me.

NO!!!

Dangit! I just am about ready to post the first blog i meant to post last night before midnight and before i can get the blog saved to my computer on Microsoft Office...  My comp decides to crash and restart itself! I am gonna go cry in a corner now why i figure out how i am going to do that all over again *sigh* Sorry for the Delay and no matter how long it takes me to get the first one up.. I am doing a full 30 days of this! *nodnod*

Like Ever Burning Fires,
                  Phoenix Passionfire

The 5th Blog

So this is going to be my 5^th blog entry and I decided before I continue on with what I am learning through my studies, my crafts and others parts of my spiritual journey that I would share a little about myself and my reasoning for starting all of this.

So we already know I am 25 years old with one daughter and a baby on the way.  I am also engaged to the greatest guy in the world who I have spent the last 3 ½ years with.  We are getting married 10-19-2012 and I am VERY excited.  But to continue I also have my mom and sister, then there is my Dad, step-mom 3 step-brothers and 1 step-sister; all ranging from the age of 15 to 8 or 9. But it’s not so bad really.

I am one of two Pagans in my family (My Uncle is Pagan).   And thus my journey has stopped a lot due to circumstances.  But on a bonus side my sister from my mom’s side is taking an interest in Wicca and paganism and she is looking to me as a teacher but I myself have only begun my journey.  So make sure I stay ahead of her in studies and I do my best.  But I wonder if I should be the one teaching her at all..  But we do our best and I have guided her to read a few books.  I told her she gets to read “To Ride a Silver Broomstick” by Silver Ravenwolf when I am finished with it.

Sorry it has taken me so long to get another blog out but I have been busy with working, taking care of my family, and being pregnant.  But part of what inspired me to write was what I got in the mail the other day from my Uncle.  I got a bunch of stones! And not just any stones, beautiful stones; Crystals, Bloodstone, Garnet, and so much more! I took some pictures and added them here.  And I think I may need to ask Astraea for help with creating a website! >.>  :P

I am more into healing and helping abilities of stones, and crystals then I am the herbal healing or the magick of the world.  But then again I also have explained in a previous blog I don’t really think of it as magic but more as the energies that course through us and the world around us. Stones and Crystals can hold massive amounts of energy good or bad.  So next time you pick up a rock, even a run of the mill stone, think of the thoughts that are going through your head at that moment because that energy will be captured and passed to the next person who hold the rock.

I have a red crystal ball.  I bought it from China and I absolutely love it!  Now I don’t scry.  At least not yet..  What I do is when I hold my crystal ball I do my best to think positive thoughts and healing thoughts that way the next time I hand it to a friend or family member I know they are getting that positive energy that I put into it.

Well to finish this off this blog I have decided that I am going to start a 30 day Mini Challenge and pick one or two stones or crystals a day and write about their origins, what their healing properties are and other myths, legends, and facts.  So I hope this turns out alright.  I will start that November 1^st.

Well everyone have a Blessed Samhain and may your fall equinox be full of fun!

Like Ever Burning Fires,

                        Phoenix Passionfire

                              Note- Finally added the link to the links and to this blog for the Stone Pictures.
                                                      There are not many but I will be adding more.

End Chapter 1; Onward into Chapter 2

Well I have finished the first chapter and not much has happened for me since I began.  Although I do plan on in one year returning to these old blogs and reading through them and remembering the steps I took.  I wish I could blog more frequently but unfortunately I work nearly all the time so I do it when I have time.  Tonight I am kind of pushing it since it’s after Midnight.

I have learned a lot from the first chapter.  I enjoyed reading about the Principles of Wiccan Belief.  Although it is sad to hear that the Council of American Witches disband the year it formed.   Things might be different now?

Looking at the first page of chapter two I read the title Getting Acquainted.  Thumbing through it from what I can tell I am going to learn about the different “Kinds” of Wicca and Witches.  I think we are all pagans personally.

Sorry for the short blog but its late and I wanna play with my new Paintshop Photo Pro X3! Heh Like the new banner?

Like Ever Burning Fires,

                        Phoenix Passionfire

How I have come to walk along this path...

I didn’t always believe in Witchcraft or Wicca or anything like that.  But the idea of it always fascinated me.  And I loved and still love learning of the Ancient Gods we know of from Western Mythology and History.  Egyptian was and still is my favorite.  I was baptized when I was 12 years old of my own choice.  I don’t remember if it was Baptist or whatever so I always just said I was baptized Christian.

After that as I got older I really didn’t think the whole Church and Christianity thing was for me.  So longing for a Faith that would fit me I began to research different religions in hopes to find one I like.   My husband at the time (he is now my ex-husband) was or is Wiccan and he told me bits and pieces about what he knew and I researched from there.  I learned that in different forms of Paganism people worshipped the Ancient Gods from Ancient Greek, Roman, Norse, and Egyptian Lore.

During the time I am doing all of this research I am also desperate to have a baby.  My ex-husband was army and it was difficult watching all of those around me getting pregnant and having babies.  I had convinced myself after a miscarriage I had that I couldn’t have babies.  I remember it being late one night and I began to just talk aloud to myself but to me I was talking to Isis, the Egyptian Mother Goddess, Goddess of Fertility, & Motherhood.  I told her how I had always wanted to be a mom and nothing more and how horribly bad I wanted to get pregnant.

Roughly a month later I find out that I am pregnant after the Ex and I get back from visiting his family in his home state.  I have never doubted in my mind that Isis gave me my beautiful little girl.  I still believe to this very day that it was Isis who gave me my princess and I believe that Isis has done it again in this pregnancy.  Call me strange, I don’t care; It’s no different than a woman asking God for a baby and getting it.

Walking the path that I have chosen for myself make me feel like I have found something that helps complete me.  I feel good about my choice and have never thought twice about it after finding Isis, Osiris, Bast, & Anubis.  I am hoping to gain a better understanding of myself and the abilities that I know are within myself.  I wish to further my knowledge in Paganism to get a better understanding of myself, my past, and the world around me.

As we all know there is no Grandeur without Sacrifice.  And I know something is eventually going to slip away from me because of my choice of Faith.  I don’t talk about believing in Paganism with too many people openly because it’s more of a respect thing.  And that is what makes me nervous about my beliefs is family who isn’t accepting or won’t understand will shun me.  Family is everything to me and it would hurt horribly to lose any of them.

Like Ever Burning Fires,

                        Phoenix Passionfire